Frost Burn
by JEGlass
Summary: How would a young princess, cursed with arctic powers she can hardly control, deal with the sudden and tragic loss of her parents during a squall at sea? Frost has the power to burn if cold enough, and with Elsa's grief consuming her will her power rage free for all to see, exposing her dark secret to the kingdom? A prequel to my piece Overlook before the king and queens death.
1. Chapter 1

"Do you have to go," eighteen year old Elsa said rising from her shallow curtsey, anxiety pulling at her from all angles and making her entire body tense and palms itch. She could feel the frost starting to form at her fingertips, gloves or no gloves.

"You'll be fine, Elsa," the king said with a warm smile. "We'll only be gone two weeks."

_Two weeks?_ Elsa thought, fighting to keep her panic hidden, concealing her emotions behind a mask of cool neutrality. _So much could happen in two weeks. What if Anna succeeds in kicking down my door like I know she wants to, what if someone finds out, what if I ice something in public, what if I lose control…_

"Elsa," the queen said breaking her daughter's frantic thoughts and stepping close to the young queen-to-be. Apparently Elsa's mask wasn't as firmly in place as she believed, but then again her mother could always see right through her façade. The queen was careful not to invade her daughter's personal space knowing it would only further her agitation and could bring on the ice. Still, she placed a gentle hand on her daughter's cheek and smiled. "Just breathe, darling. Remember to breathe. Two weeks isn't that long, and we'll be back before you know it."

Elsa relaxed fractionally under her mother's warm touch, clenched, knuckle white hands loosening. She knew her mother and father were right, two weeks wasn't very long at all, but knowing they wouldn't be in the castle within easy reach or earshot was nerve wracking. Still, the young queen-to-be knew she could keep herself busy. There were hundreds of things her tutors could come up with, or she could spend hours in the library simply devouring book after book. That was perhaps Elsa's favorite pastime until Anna found her. Then any hope of study went out the window until the young queen-to-be retreated back to the safe quiet of her room.

The thought of Anna seemed to summon the young princess, and she came bounding into the sun brightened great hall, all smiles and happy laughing. Elsa instinctively stepped away when her younger sister approached, a movement that wasn't lost on the princess. Anna glanced at Elsa out of the corner of her eye but kept her distance knowing any attempt at approaching her older sister would result in a cold rebuke. It was an awkward dance they'd partaken in for years and one Anna had quickly learned to avoid.

"Are you leaving already," Anna giggled pulling the king and queen into a tight hug. Elsa felt a sharp pang of longing work through her as she watched the embrace but kept her face a smooth mask, hands folded neatly in front of her.

"The last of our bags are being loaded onto the ship as we speak," the king replied pulling his daughter into a crushing hug and planting a kiss on her cheek. Anna giggled and pulled away, rubbing her cheek where the hairs of her father's mustache had tickled her.

"I still don't know why I can't go with you," Anna said trying to feign a serious pout but failing miserably.

_I, _thought Elsa sadly and winced, _not we._

"Because you two are needed here," the king said flicking his eyes over to his eldest daughter who returned his gaze coolly. "Elsa has to remain Acting Majesty while I'm gone, and in the event something should happen to her, you need to be here as well."

"That's a horrible excuse," Anna said with a snort. "Elsa will be fine on her own, she always is. She doesn't need _me_. You just want to be able to dance at Rapunzel's wedding without the fear of having two left feet here embarrass you. And this is all totally unfair, mind you. It's been years since we visited Corona kingdom, and I want to actually _meet_ my cousin!"

The king chuckled and put an arm around his youngest daughter's shoulders, squeezing gently. "I know my spring flower, I know, and I promise we'll make plans to visit Corona in the summer." Leaning in close he whispered into Anna's ear with a sly smile, "But it's your mother really who doesn't want you two to go. I can't get her to dance if her daughters are upstaging her on the ballroom floor."

Anna giggled behind her hand while her mother gave her husband a firm but loving push. "See if I even give you a single dance now at my nieces wedding!"

The royal family shared in a few more laughs before Kai appeared to tell the king and queen that the vessel was ready for boarding. Straightening, the king beckoned the manservant forward and instructed him to scribe. Kai produced a wooden writing tablet and a pressed piece of parchment from seemingly thin air, quill already dipped in ink and nodded for the king to begin.

"I, Andrew Frosberg, ruling monarch of Arendelle Kingdom and King of the Northern Realms, hereby decree that Princess Elsa Frosberg, my heir, will be henceforth titled Acting Majesty until my return. In the event I should fail to return to my kingdom, her Majesty will take the title of Ruling Majesty upon her twenty first year. So decrees the king of Arendelle."

Kai finished scribing at about the same time the king finished speaking, and produced a small silver box with the Arendelle crest etched into the lid. The king opened the tiny box and pressed his signet ring into the dark ink saturated wool before pressing the ring to the smooth parchment. Kai gently blew on the wet ink before neatly folding it and bowing at the waist.

"I will place this decree in the hands of the bishop and council immediately," Kai said still doubled in half.

"Thank you, Kai. Please watch over the girls while we're gone," the king said with a warm nod. Kai straightened and slid the decree into his inner coat pocket where it would be safe.

"I will do my best, Majesty."

"I know that's all you can do with these two," the queen said stepping next to her husband and giving his arm a gentle squeeze. "Come dear, we cannot keep the captain waiting."

"Agreed," the king sighed. Turning to the two royal sisters he said, "Take care while we're gone. Anna, continue your studies and etiquette training. I know from your tutor you need refinement in certain place, so I expect them to be polished by the time we get back."

"Yes, father," Anna said sheepishly, her face flushing slightly.

"Elsa," the king turned towards his eldest daughter and felt his stomach turn a summer sault. This would be the first time the king and queen would be absent from the castle at the same time, and he worried just as much as his daughter did about her icy powers and the gravity of her secret. Taking a deep breath, he steadied his nerves and smiled as warmly as he could. "You'll be fine, just remember to breathe and don't let it show. We'll be back before you know it."

Elsa swallowed the rising lump of fear and embraced both her father and mother, tears starting to well in her eyes. She quickly concealed them, mask slipping back in place.

"I will, father."

"We know you will, darling," the queen said kissing her daughter once on the head and once on the nose. Elsa giggled slightly, a strange sound even to her ears, and the queen seemed to shine from within with warmth and love for her daughter. "I love you."

"We both do," the king seconded. The queen took her husband by the arm and gently led him from the great hall, daughters in toe. Anna followed her father and mother to the docks, bouncing like a puppy running after its master, while Elsa remained behind at the castle gates watching them go. She gazed up at the massive three masted ship, white sails slowly being unfurled by scuttling sailors climbing the rigging like ants, and sent a silent prayer skyward.

_Two weeks, I can do it. It'll only be two weeks._

Indeed, two weeks went by at its normal pace, some days dragging on while others sped past at blinding speed. On August 21st the harbor master set a watch for the royal ship, but the day slipped by without any sign of the three masted vessel. It wasn't unusual for a ship to be a day or two late, sailing had its hazards, so no one thought anything of it and returned to their duties. When the third day came and went with no sign the harbor master sent word to the towers overlooking the sea that they were to expressly watch for the royal ship and nothing else. Three days late was one thing, but three days late with no word, no hawk sent from the captain detailing the delay was something to take note of, but all Arendelle could do was watch and wait.

Elsa woke with a start and sat bolt upright in bed, the boom of thunder that had awoken her slowly echoing out of existence. A few seconds later a brilliant flash of bluish white light illuminated her room and the creeping frost slowly climbing the young princess's walls and ceiling. Startled, Elsa jumped out of bed and felt the familiar crunch of frost under her bare feet. Another flash of lightning gave her a glimpse of her quickly icing room, and Elsa scrambled over her bed to the nightstand on the other side, throwing pillows aside as she went. She slipped on a pair soft suede gloves and felt only marginally better until another crack of thunder shook the castle.

_Where is this storm coming from?_ Elsa thought as she slid into a dark colored robe and padded over to her triangular window. Despite the world outside her room being black as pitch, flashes of lightning allowed her fractional glimpses of a turbulent sky alive with wind and rolling clouds. The young queen-to-be jumped back from her window when a particularly bright arm of sky fire arched down from the clouds above and struck a tree not too far from the castle. The resounding boom of thunder half a heartbeat later was strong enough to rattle the glass in Elsa's window as well as her perfume bottles and the wash basin on the dresser.

Suddenly the young queen-to-be was overcome with the uncontrollable urge to see exactly what was happening outside and raced from her room, making it to the library just as another clap of thunder rattled the books on their shelves. Stumbling in the dark, Elsa found one of the small table lamps and lit it, raising the wick so that the flame burned a bright orange and illuminated the room. Piles of books still littered the floor from where she'd stacked them earlier that week, forbidding Kia or any of the castle staff from returning them to their proper shelves. When Elsa studied something she studied hard and didn't want her material moved until she was finished.

More strobes of white blue light flickered from behind the drawn curtain covering the balcony doors, and Elsa carefully worked her way across the room, stepping over her neat piles as nimbly as a dancer. Reaching for the handle, the door shuddered as a strong gust of wind pushed against it and the young queen-to-be hesitated. It was just a storm. She'd seen hundreds roll in off the sea over the years, so why had this one had the power to drag her out of bed in the early predawn hours? What was she expecting to see when she opened the doors and stepped out onto the balcony? Heart in her throat, Elsa pushed the brass handle down and stepped into the maelstrom.

The wind caught her first, strong arms pushing her back towards the library as if the storm wanted nothing to do with her. Steeling herself against the gale, Elsa pressed forward until her gloved hands found the railing and she clung tightly, head down as the wind continued its assault, platinum blond hair pulled from its loose bun and whipping around behind her. Then just as quickly as it had come, the gale died to a barely audible whisper, allowing the young queen-to-be her first glimpse of the fjord and the sea beyond.

It was a chaotic mess of turbulent white capped waves, some swells reaching as high as ten feet. Along the lower half of the perimeter wall running the length of the kingdom, wave after wave crashed against the slate gray rocks and raced up the wall. Even at a distance the young queen-to-be could hear the throaty roar as the water assaulted the shore. Mouth slightly agape, she watched transfixed as lances of brilliant blue and purple lightning dove from the sky and struck the sea beyond the fjord, earth and sky becoming one for a fraction of a second, bound by ropes of living fire. The distant rumble of thunder punctuated each strike like heavenly drummers beating a tempo of war. It was breathtaking and terrifying at the same time, and Elsa watch in stunned silence until the wind returned.

This time it came from her left, driving the young queen-to-be into the far corner of the balcony and pinning her there. Struggling to stand, Elsa grabbed hold of the railing and pulled herself along until she was back at the library doors. Feet planted, a giddy laugh bubbling in her throat, she barely noticed the frost spreading under her bare feet and covering the balcony in a layer of jagged ice crystals. The thrill of being at the head of this storm, of feeling its power slam against her like the waves crashing against the perimeter wall, filled the young queen-to-be with such wild abandon she momentarily forgot her place, forgot her fears, forgot to conceal, and became one with the storm.

_So this is what freedom feels like._

Elsa clutched the railing with knuckle white hands and leaned as far over as she could without toppling over the edge. The wind seemed to sense the interloper in its presence and swirled around her, bring with it the scent of turbulent sea, wet earth, and electricity, and for once there was a storm raging around the young queen-to-be that drowned out her own inner storm. Laughter rolled from her, stolen by the wind the second it left her mouth, but still Elsa laughed, laughed in the face of the storm, laughed in the face of God, laughed in the face of her curse and for once felt the touch of true power. It wasn't until she stepped back and heard the telltale crunch and felt the slick cold underfoot that reality crashed into her as hard as the storm had. Panic replaced wild thrill and she stumbled away from the ice, tripping when her foot caught on a particularly spiny shard and nearly going down. Hands out, Elsa caught herself on the railing, back to the storm that was quickly overtaking the fjord. The raging tempest seemed to sense her growing fear because it was at that moment a bolt of lightning snaked out of the sky and struck the fjord not two hundred yards from where Elsa stood. Back to the strike, she was only able to catch a glimpse of the sky fire in the reflection of the window before the concussion of the strike sent her spinning around, ice consuming all the rest of the balcony in a blast of arctic air.

"No," Elsa gasped looking in horror at the sheets of translucent blue. Her worst fears quickly coming to light, she scrambled for the door desperate to escape her magic and the knowledge she'd unwittingly unleashed it. Hand on the handle, Elsa felt the first few drops of rain tap against her head seconds before the full force of the gale hit. Sheets of lukewarm water pelted the kingdom, the noise akin to standing next to a waterfall, and with the rain returned the wind.

Elsa fought to open the door but the maelstrom was to strong and her footing to unsure as the warm rain melted her ice and made the ground increasingly slick. After a few tries she was able to turn the handle and slide in through the slender gap, but just as she was almost through the wind switched directions and nearly wrenched the handle from her hand. Elsa was dragged back into the storm as if she were holding onto a kite. She knew if she let go the door would swing back into the castle wall and shatter the glass, probably waking half the castle in the process. Digging her heals into the ice she summoned all her strength and pulled the door back towards its lock one grunting step at a time. Half way there the wind shifted one last time. Unbalanced and soaked through, Elsa had no time to jump out of the way. The door struck her in the forehead, throwing her backwards into the library, before slamming shut with a resounding crack.

The young queen-to-be woke a few minutes later sprawled out on a pile of books, the skin above her left eyebrow on fire. Blinking back tears, she touched her forehead and hissed through clenched teeth. A sizeable goose-egg was quickly forming, but luckily there was no blood. Leaning back against the once neat stacks of books under her, Elsa tasted salt on her lips and frowned. Had she been crying? A quick rub down of her face told her she was completely soaked through with rain water, but why was it salty.

_It's almost like the sky was crying._

Confused, aching from her fall and from the books jammed into her back at awkward angles, robe and nightgown soaked through and tired beyond reason, Elsa pulled herself up off the floor and staggered back to her room. She had enough strength to pull off her wet clothes before flopping back into bed and sinking into a restless sleep filled with cryptic and disturbing dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Elsa rubbed her forehead for the fourth time, fingers working over the large bump that resided above her left eyebrow. Her headache was excruciating and hadn't lessened in the slightest since she'd woken with it. Even the tea the royal Physician had given her hadn't been enough to dull the ache, and to make matters worse she was nauseous and light headed. Breakfast that morning had been a chore and it seemed lunch would go about as pleasantly. Glancing at the clock on the fireplace mantle, Elsa felt her irritation ramp up a notch and exhaled through her nose, sharp pain lancing across her forehead as her eyebrows knit into a scowl. Anna was late, again.

Since the king and queen's departure, the young princess had begun experimenting with new forms of youthful defiance, the most recent being her chronic tardiness for all meals and meetings with her tutors. Elsa understood being a few minutes late, but her younger sister usually sauntered in to wherever she was expected fifteen or twenty minutes late, full of half-hearted apologies and smug sideways grins. Elsa usually succeeded in keeping her cool mask in place but knew her eyes were alive with anger. This only seemed to delight Anna more, and she'd made it a sport of seeing how far she could push her older sister, irritating smile only growing the angrier Elsa got.

The young queen-to-be groaned and put her head in her gloved hands, taking deep breaths to steady her stomach. Today just wasn't going to be her day, she could already tell. On top of her little sister's antics, there had been no hawk received from the royal vessel and the harbor master was starting to worry. Of course his report had been as calm as ever, but Elsa could sense his growing unease and it made the ball of fear seeded in her heart only grow. Four days without word was troubling. It wasn't catastrophic, but it was troubling, and the last thing Elsa needed or wanted was trouble. Not with a headache powerful enough to split her forced concentration of concealing her powers.

At the sound of the servant door opening, Elsa put her hands on the table and looked up, arranging her face in the iciest expression she could muster, which was to say she could have killed someone with just a glance. She'd expected to see Anna swagger in but was surprised when Kai emerged from the shadows. Immediately the young queen-to-be knew something was wrong. The manservant's face had a gray pallor to it and his eyes were as wide as saucers, sweat beading along his brow as if he'd come down with a high fever. In his right hand he clutched a piece of paper, his fist so tight she could see the blue veins of his hand sticking out.

"Kai," Elsa said as she slowly stood, "what's wrong."

The manservant seemed to have not heard her, his eyes distant as if focusing on something very far away. He didn't return to himself until Elsa asked him again what was wrong, shaking his head while drawing in a shuddering breath.

"I…there has been a…"

Elsa felt the fear in her chest harden into an unimaginably heavy weight as she watched the manservant struggle to form a sentence. She'd never seen him this distraught, and the first thought that came to her mind was that something had happened to Anna.

"Kai," Elsa said not realizing she'd come around the table and was standing in front of the manservant, "where's—"

_Anna_

The young princess appeared beside Kai, her face as ashen as the manservant's and streaked with tears. She took one look at her older sister and covered her mouth with her hands, a heavy sob nearly doubling her over. The queen-to-be instinctively reached out to grab her little sister but remember herself at the last minute and drew back. The look of hurt and betrayal in Anna's eyes was enough to take the breath from Elsa lungs and she staggered back a step, focusing again on Kai just so she wouldn't have to look at her little sister.

"Tell me what's happened!"

"Majesty," Kai said in a small voice, and Elsa felt her world shatter. _No,_ she thought frantically, bile rising in the back of her throat, _Acting Majesty. I'm the Acting Majesty not…_ "I bear horrible news. The ship your parents were aboard capsized during a squall yesterday evening. There…there was only one survivor, a sailor who managed to swim here on a piece of driftwood. He…he died from his injuries earlier this morning. I am sorry Majesty, but the king and queen were lost at sea."

Elsa hadn't heard anything after 'ship' and 'capsized'. She barely heard the anguished cry that tore from her throat, barely felt the edge of the table scrape painfully against the small of her back as her knees gave out. Kai raced to catch her but she'd already righted herself, arms braced on the edge of the table. The young queen-to-be…no, queen now… prayed the long slab of polished wood was strong enough to hold her up, because God knew her strength was leaking out of her like a bucked with a hole in the bottom. The pain in her head flared and her vision grew uncomfortably bright. Suddenly she couldn't breathe fast enough, couldn't think. The room was too big, the walls to far away, yawning open around her like the mouth of some great beast ready to swallow her. Elsa desperately needed confinement and searched for a way out but knew even if she found the door she wouldn't be able to move towards it. She was frozen in place like a statue and every second that passed the pressure within increased, frost leaking through the cracks in her mental and physical armor.

Kai's eyes went wide as he watched a thin layer of frost overtake Elsa's fingers, turning the dark fabric of her gloves a milky white. Instinct took control and the manservant took a step towards the queen, blocking Anna's view of her sister as best he could. Oh yes, Kai knew about the young queen's powers. He and Gerda were the only servants privy to the knowledge and sworn to secrecy upon pain of death.

It had been the late queen's idea to let the manservant and servant matron know about Elsa's condition. At first the king had balked at the idea. No one could know about Elsa's secret until she was able to control it.

"Darling," the late queen had said while sitting in the library the night after their visit to the troll kingdom, "you know as well as I that we cannot raise our daughters alone, especially now. There will be times when we cannot be in the kingdom, when our royal duties will take us away from Elsa and Anna. How are we protecting them if we leave the castle in the dark about Elsa's powers? God forbid, what if something happens? Neither of us can be there for her all the time, it's just not possible."

"Then what do you suggest," the late king had whispered, head in his hands.

"Kai and Gerda have been with us since the beginning. They are perhaps the most loyal subjects you have, and I trust them with my life and the life of my daughters. Have them swear on their lives they will take Elsa's secret to the grave, and I know they will do it."

So the late king had done just that. Two days after Elsa had nearly killed Anna while they played one evening in the great hall, the late king had summoned Kai and Gerda to his personal chambers and explained everything from start to finish, leaving nothing out. At the end of his tale he'd instructed both servants that care of his daughters would be done separately. Anna would have little to no contact with her older sister until Elsa learned to control her powers. As the late queen had said, Kai and Gerda swore on their lives that they would take Elsa's secret to the grave and do everything in their power to protect the princesses. Now the king and queen were gone and as Kai watched the frost slowly overtaking Elsa's hands he could hear the kings words echo in his mind.

_Watch over my girls._

"Majesty," Kai hissed trying to get Elsa's attention. He took another step forward, further concealing the magic taking place in front of Anna. "Majesty!"

Elsa seemed to return to herself and looked over at Kai. The manservant was giving her a strange look, his eyes going from staring at her face to staring at something around her waist. Confused, Elsa looked down at her hands on the table and froze, face paling. Ice was quickly overtaking her gloves and spreading out under her palms in pools of white frost. The young queen snatched her hands away and clutched them to her chest, hoping that she could regain control before anyone else noticed, but a cold unlike anything she'd ever felt before was spreading through her body like fire spreading through grass. She could feel frost starting to form on the underside of her turquoise bodice and could hear the crunch of ice under foot as she retreated from Kai and her little sister.

_Conceal,_ Elsa thought frantically, _Don't feel. Don't let it show. Control it, control it, control…_

It wasn't working. The harder she fought to keep the ice in the stronger it seemed to become, and fear was rapidly replacing grief. Elsa looked over at Anna still standing beside the servants door, saw the pain written all over her beautiful freckle dusted face, saw the need to be held and comforted, saw the need for her sister's embrace and felt an icy ball alive with arctic power settle in her stomach, and it took all the strength she had to keep that power sealed within. Kai seemed to sense Elsa's growing panic and moved towards her. The young queen retreated back a few steps, heart in her throat, but realized by the look on the manservant's face he wasn't moving to comfort her. He was keeping himself between Elsa and her little sister, shielding Anna. Kai was able to catch the queen's attention one last time and she understood the message his eyes were silently screaming at her.

_Run!_

Elsa felt the world fall away as she took off towards the secondary door that would take her into the great hall and up the stairs to her room. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, taking stairs three and four at a time, all the while praying her strength would hold until she was safely behind closed doors. 

"Majesty," Kai called as he raced towards the door Elsa had shouldered through. He was able to grab hold of the handle that was quickly being overtaken by creeping frost and hissed at the pain, his skin burning as the super cold metal bit into his palm. "Majesty, wait!"

The manservant hoped his plaintive cries were enough to convince the castle guard and the young princess that he was trying to stop Elsa from retreating to her room, but underneath his façade he prayed the young queen made it in time. Movement from behind alerted the manservant to Anna's approach and he turned to intercept her.

"Elsa! Elsa please," Anna cried as she raced towards the door and attempted to shove her way past Kai. The manservant successfully blocked her path, hands out to keep her at a distance.

"Princess Anna, wait. Now is not—"

"Get out of the way, Kai," Anna all but screamed as she tried to push past him. The manservant may have been a heavyset man and his girth may have been enough to fill the doorway, but Anna knew she could get past him if he would only…

"No, Highness. Let your sister go. She needs to be alone," Kai said pushing Anna back as gently as he could. The young princess looked close to hitting him, face red and eyes welling with tears. Fists clenched at her side, Anna practically quivered with emotional energy.

"Alone is the last thing Elsa needs right now! That's the last thing _I_ need right now!"

"Highness, please your sister just needs time to think."

"And what about what I need!" Anna exploded, tears rolling from her eyes. Picking up the closest thing to her, she chucked an ornate plate across the room where it shattered against the wall in a shower of porcelain fragments. "You're always keeping us apart! Every time I get close to Elsa you're always there to make sure she keeps her distance. Why, Kai? Why do you keep protecting her? What's she have to be protected _from_?!"

"Highness, I—"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear your excuses or your lies. Elsa is my sister and we've just lost both our parents. I need her as much as she needs me, so you can go to hell and step aside so I can be with my last living family member!"

Kai weathered Anna's storm as best he could, but felt his heart breaking regardless. Not because of Anna's words or accusations, but because she could never understand why he did the things he did. She could never know that it was her sister who depended on him, not the other way around, to keep Anna away for her own safety. For just a brief moment the manservant toyed with the idea of telling Anna the truth, of showing her the ice slowly melting under his palm, of revealing Elsa's secret so that she could finally understand. The king and queen were dead. Surely that meant his oath was finished. But no, the manservant would not betray his king even if death had torn him away. He would keep Elsa's secret in order to keep the princesses he loved so dearly safe.

"I'm sorry Highness, but I cannot let you go to your sister. Please understand that I'm only doing this to protect the both of you."

Anna let out a frustrated roar and tried to bull her way past the manservant, but he held his ground and pushed her back with as much gentleness as possible. When it became clear she wasn't going to succeed in reaching her sister, Anna sank to the floor defeated. Forehead pressed into the carpet and hands around her waist, her anger finally drained away and she began to sob in earnest. Kai would have moved to comfort her but Gerda beat him to it, sinking down next to the young princess and pulling her close.

"Oh my sweet princess, I'm so, so sorry," the service matron soothed as she stroked Anna's back while fighting off tears of her own.

"Why does she hate me so much? What…w-what did I do?" Anna hiccupped.

"Oh little one, there are stresses your sister is under that you can't understand. I know it hurts, I know, but we'll get through this. I promise."

"Why did mamma and papa have to go," Anna whispered in a small voice. "Now I really am alone."


	3. Chapter 3

Elsa burst through her bedroom door shoulder first and slammed into her bed with enough force to scoot the heavy wooden object a few inches across the floor. She whipped around and kicked her door shut with a bang just as the brunt of her grief hit her like a blow to the gut. Her breath was pulled from her lungs as the magic pressed against the barrier of her mind, screaming to be free. Sinking to her knees, the young queen gritted her teeth against the pain slowly spreading across her body at an alarming rate. She could barely flex her fingers any longer, the skin of her palm alive with arctic fire. Unsteadily Elsa rose and moved around the bed until she was in the middle of her room, bursts of blue frost echoing her footfalls. She'd been aiming for the large square hearth in the far corner where a fire crackled cheerily, but her body seemed to have reached its limit and collapsed under her weight.

_They're gone. Mamma and Papa are dead._

Tears rolled from her eyes as a heavy sob finally worked its way past her blockade and the last chink in her armor failed. Dam tearing open, more tears came and Elsa realized she was screaming only when her throat began to burn. Streaks of fire worked their way down her face and she gasped at the sudden unexpected pain.

_That's right. I'd forgotten crying hurts._

It had been a condition of her powers the royal family hadn't expected. Whenever Elsa cried her tears had the tendency to freeze on her face, burning her skin in the process. It had first manifested the night after Anna's room had been separated from hers. Elsa had cried most of the evening, quietly sobbing into her pillow until exhaustion took her and she fell asleep. Hours later the king and queen had come in to check on their daughter and discovered the livid red streaks on her cheeks and the small white blisters starting to form near the crease of her nose. It didn't take them long to figure out what they were and the decision was made at the moment that Elsa would have to be kept away from high emotional situations less she begin to cry and burn herself.

_A lot of good that did me,_ Elsa thought bitterly as the tears streaked down her face and woke lines of fire on her skin as the water instantly froze. _I can't even cry without it hurting. I can't do anything without being in pain._

Curled into a tight ball on her floor, Elsa struggled to breathe, to keep her power locked inside while wrestling with the grief threatening to consume her. It was like fighting a wild animal a hundred times stronger than her, and the tug of war only lasted a few minutes before the young queen's defenses failed. She was just too mentally fragmented to properly devote all her attention to restraining herself, but she had to try. Father always said not to feel, but how was that even possible? She couldn't _not _feel right now. The memory of her father sitting down in front of her and teaching her the rhyme she would chant like a mantra for the rest of her life brought on a fresh wave of grief. He'd been adamant about Elsa learning to conceal her emotions, thinking it would somehow keep her powers in check, yet here she was crumpled in the middle of her room unable to do just that, and the sudden blast of emotions was crippling.

_My parents are dead. Who will protect me now?_

The knife in her heart twisted savagely, wrenching free more anguished sobs quickly followed by more icy fire. Why was this happening? What sin had she committed that God would curse her with such evil powers and then take her parents from her eighteen years later? The act of lifting her head off the floor was like trying to lift a block of marble with only a stick, ice fracturing and snapping under her, but Elsa managed it and stared at the blue sky beyond her quickly frosting window.

"What have I done to make you hate me," she rasped at the heavens, glaring at the cold hearted deity residing beyond the clouds. "Why didn't you take me instead? Why am I alive and they are dead?" As usual silence was her only answer.

Pain shocked the young queen out of her defiant stare and she curled farther into herself with a whimper. She could feel her magic leaking out of her pores and felt the fabric of her gloves pressed against her chest splintering, long cracks of glowing blue power peeking out between the divisions. When Elsa tried flexing her fingers more fractures appeared, spider webbing across the fabric as if it were glass. This wasn't normal, if there could be a sense of normalcy for her powers. The young queen had never gotten cold enough to freeze the fabric of her clothes. She hadn't even known that was possible until now, but any cloth touching her skin had quickly become as rigid as a plank of wood and cemented itself to her super cold skin. Elsa tried to shift, tried to uncurl, but found she was locked in place, arms of ice pinning her down. It was the sudden burst of panic that acted as the last straw. Her power saw its chance at freedom and roared to life. Elsa felt the ball of arctic magic swirling in her abdomen convulse, spewing waves of frost and ice throughout the room and pulling the temperature to an abominable degree. Snow cycloned around her, the wind extinguishing the guttering hearth fire and pulling stalactites of ice from the ceiling.

_My parents are dead,_ a small part of her mind cried into the blizzard raging around her.

_ Taken by the very storm you laughed in the face of. How ironic,_ said a second more cynical voice. Elsa knew who was speaking and shied away from the analytical half of her mind.

The sudden memory of the storm she'd stood in last night brought the young queen gasping back into the present. She remembered the boom of the thunder and the snaking arms of sky fire as they lit the sky in flashes of blue and white. She remembered the warm rain on her lips, rain so salty it tasted like tears, and remembered leaning over the edge of the balcony and laughing while the wind raged at her.

_I laughed in the face of my parent's killer. _

_You laughed _with_ your parent's killer, little queen, _her analytical mind taunted. _You laughed and laughed while your parents drowned. So does that make you as guilty as the storm that took them? Are you a killer now as well?_

"No," Elsa moaned, ice snapping and crackling around her.

_Your protectors are dead. Your stability is gone. Your sister hates you and soon the entire kingdom will know your secret. Tell me, how will they react when they realize their queen is a monster?_

"Please stop," she pleaded, eyes scrunched so tightly shut she felt the bruise on her forehead pulse with pain. It wasn't like Elsa hadn't ever warred with her analytical half before, it was a constant daily struggle between two minds: one content on being a normal eighteen year old girl while the other tearing every moment apart and looking at it with a cold critical eye. Usually she could make the two halves live in peace, but the balance had shifted and now she was attacking herself, tearing herself apart because of the gaps her grief and pain had left open.

_You're alone, Elsa._

The young queen felt a savage burst of frost arch out from under her frozen hands and winced.

_ You'll always be alone._

More frost was creeping like climbing vines across her floor and up her walls, the glass it came in contact with fracturing or shattering as the cold worked its way into everything.

_ That's just how the wicked live. They don't have parents or sisters. They have only themselves and no one mourns them when their gone._

"I said stop!" Elsa screamed and the concussive blast of her magic was like a powder keg igniting. Something ripped free of her body and she cried out, the frost echoing her agony. Shards of wickedly sharp ice rose into existence around her, spreading in a spiral pattern around the young queen until they'd overtaken her room entirely. Elsa heard wood splintering and furniture shifting, heard the groan of metal bending and glass shattering seconds before everything went black.

It was the noise that eventually woke her, the faraway pounding of war drums beating a four step tattoo that just wouldn't go away. Groggily the young queen opened her eyes and wasn't surprised to find her room cloaked in darkness. How long had she been asleep? Hours, maybe weeks, she wasn't sure. The last thing she remembered was being in the dining hall waiting on Anna. Something had happened, but Elsa couldn't pull the memory to the surface. Blinking in the darkness, the young queen felt her eyelids slowly start to droop, her body screaming for rest. She was just about fall back into the waiting arms of sleep when the war drums returned, pounding four times in quick succession before falling silent.

_Not drums, _her sluggish mind said just before she dropped off, _someone's knocking. Please don't let it be Anna._


	4. Chapter 4

Kai put his shoulder against Elsa's door and pushed, teeth gritted with effort. At first the tall white and blue door wouldn't budge and he feared he'd have to fetch an axe and cut his way in. The young queen had been locked in her room for nearly eight hours and, thought this wasn't at all unusual, when the manservant had come knocking just a few minutes ago he'd been shocked to see a layer of frost leaking out under the door and spreading across the carpet. That had been a massive red flag. Elsa had never and would never have let her powers escape the safety of her room. She'd been too careful for to many years to let it all fall to pieces now. So Kai had run and fetched Gerda, cordoned off the residency wing of the palace, and attempted to gain access into Elsa's room with no avail. The door was frozen shut, locked like a boulder rolled over a tomb.

Sweating freely now, his pressed servants uniform developing large dark stains in embarrassing places, the manservant pulled back and gave the frustrating door one last shove and was rewarded with a loud crack as the ice on the opposite side split. A burst of shattering cold air, as if death itself had breathed on him, buffeted the manservant and he stumbled back from the dark crack, goosebumps rolling down his arms and spreading across his sweaty chest. He could see his breath turn to white vapor in the wake of the cold air and suppressed a shiver. One more hard push and the door groaned open far enough to allow the portly manservant to squeeze through. Not surprisingly the young queen's room was as dark as pitch. Kai heard the crunch of ice underfoot and rubbed his shoulders as the brunt of arctic air hit him.

"Gerda, hand me your lantern," Kai said ducking back into the hallway that was almost stifling hot compared to Elsa's room.

"How bad is it," Gerda asked handing the manservant the large kitchen lantern she'd brought with her. She's also brought a bundle of warm blankets and a tray with a kettle of hot water, loose tea leaves, and three tea cups, unsure what state the young queen would be in when she finally emerged from her room. Apparently from the look on Kai's face it was worse than either of them had expected.

"Wait here. I'll be back in a moment," Kai said raising the wick on the lantern until the flame burned almost white and stepped back into the arctic room. Light in hand, the manservant raised his lantern and gasped. "Saints and martyrs, God in heaven..."

Kai didn't know where to begin, his eyes snapping around the room and taking in the devastation one piece at a time. Jagged teeth of turquoise blue ice, nearly twice his size and curled inward like the fingers of a grasping hand, were spread around the room like the petals of some massive arctic flower, the light from his lantern shimmering and winking against the ripples and facets as if they were made of diamonds. The queen's bed had been lifted a full four feet off the ground by two savage glacial teeth, the frame twisted in an unnatural position while the mattress had been discarded somewhere on the other side. Her dresser and vanity had faired about the same, large chunks of wood and splinters strews across the floor from where the furniture had been snagged and impaled on the ice.

Breath a halo above his head, Kai ventured further into the savagely beautiful wonderland, careful where he placed his feet. The jagged petals of the ice flower seemed to recede the farther he got into the room, four to five foot twisted stalagmites shrinking with each row until the manservant could see a patch of clear ground surrounding a fractured bubble of ice so thin and translucent he only realized it was there when the reflection of his lantern woke shimmering streaks of orange fire across it. Something drew him to the fragile looking orb and it wasn't until he was nearly on top of it that he realized why.

"Majesty," Kai gasped setting the lantern down and putting a hand against the skin of the ice bubble. At the lightest touch the orb fell away revealing the huddled silhouette of the girl inside, and the manservant instinctively knew something was wrong. Slowly he knelt beside the young queen. She was dusted in a thick layer of frost so white it nearly glowed in the darkness. When Kai gently touched Elsa's arm she didn't stir, didn't even appear to be breathing and he felt a thrill of fear shoot through him.

"Gerda! Gerda come in here!"

The service matron skittered into the room, nearly slipping on a patch of ice close to the door. She took one look at the room and nearly dropped the blankets clutched to her chest, one hand covering her mouth in shock, eyes wide as saucers.

"God have mercy!"

"Gerda, hurry with the blankets," Kai said attempting to break the layer of frost coating the queen. It took a few tries but eventually he was able to puncture the sandpaper rough shell, fingers numb and bleeding from where he'd broken through. Still Elsa didn't shift a muscle and the manservant's efforts to free his queen doubled. Finally the last jagged piece of frost came away and Kai sat back in stunned silence, his heart sinking through his stomach.

He hadn't seen it through the layer of frost, but Elsa lay curled on her right side entirely naked, blooms of bright blood dotting different parts of her body. The manservant wasn't sure if she'd collapsed in this state or if her power had somehow done this to her, but seeing the crimson stripes haphazardly strewn across her milky white skin, beginning at her neck and ending at her ankles, he knew his queen was in worse shape than he'd previously thought. And her hands…

"Oh Elsa," Kai deflated, tentatively taking one of the young queen's slender hands and shifting so the light of the lantern fell across it. The skin of her palms was the livid bright red of raw steak, small blisters beginning to form between the webbing of her fingers and spreading to the back of her hand. In the light of the lantern, the manservant could see small streaks of blood frozen in place, the cracks in her skin crusted with crimson frost.

"Kai, should we call the Physician," Gerda asked in a hushed whisper as she knelt next to the manservant. She knew the gravity of what she asked, but if her queen needed professional help she'd risk exposing Elsa's secret in order to save her life. Kai shook his head and took the blanket from Gerda, covering the young queen to both hide her nakedness and bring her warmth. That seemed to rouse a response, and Elsa shifted fractionally, a weak moan escaping her lips.

"Majesty," Kai leaned forward and put a hand on her freezing cold shoulder. The young queen remained silent and still but he could see now that she was in fact breathing and a fraction of his fear melted away allowing him a chance to exhale.

"We cannot," the manservant sighed deeply after a thoughtful moment. "Elsa's secret is far too great, and I know what questions Malkof will ask. We cannot risk anyone finding out. Not so soon after the king and queen's death."

Gerda looked as if she would say more but saw the reason in the manservant's logic and eventually nodded. "She can't stay in here."

Kai looked around at the destruction and knew Gerda was right. There'd be no way Elsa could remain in her room, not with it so cold and with so much ice. The servants would have to take her to one of the guest bedrooms, but getting the young queen there would prove to be a challenging task. Kai was not a young man anymore, years of castle life softening his body and taking the once youthful energy he displayed as a boy and replacing it with muscle aches and stiff joints. Gerda was no better equipped, her slender frame perfect for carrying plates and trays but not the dead weight of an eighteen year old queen. Still, Kai knew they had no choice.

"Help me sit her up," he said gently taking Elsa by the wrists, careful not to touch the burns. Gerda wordlessly obeyed and help the manservant lift the young queen into a sitting position, pulling the blanket tightly around her shoulders and slender waist. Shifting around for a better angle, Kai lifted Elsa bridal style, straining under her weight, muscles quivering.

"Careful," Gerda said watching with manservant with wide eyes. Kai ignored her and carefully made his way out of the room. He managed to step beyond the threshold, Gerda shutting the door behind him, before his strength began to fail. He was about to ask for the service matron's aid when the sound heavy footfalls coming towards him caused the manservant to turn in surprise. The guard he'd placed at the top of the stairs had seen him stagger out of Elsa's room, unconscious queen in his arms, and was rushing over, concern practically glowing in his shocking green eyes.

"Master Kai, what's happened? Is her Majesty alright? Should I call for the Physician?"

"No, Lieutenant Revel, that won't be necessary," Kai grunted, back arched as he struggled to hold the queen.

"Sir, allow me to help." Without any preamble, the young guard reached out and took Elsa into his arm with the youthful ease of a man use to lifting heavy objects on a daily basis. At first the manservant was both shocked and appalled. This guard would dare touch the queen without permission? Kai stiffened as his anger flared, face turning a soft shade of scarlet, but reason reached him seconds later and smothered his temper. How else were they going to get Elsa to the guest bedroom? He certainly didn't have the strength to carry her.

"Lieutenant Revel," Kai sighed, anger suddenly replaced by weariness, "the queen has collapsed under the weight of her grief. We are to take her to one of the guest bedroom so that she can better recuperate in peace." It was a flimsy lie but Kai knew the guard would not question it.

Nodding, Revel shifted the young queen in his arms so that her head rested just under his chin. If he noticed the strange temperature rolling off the young girl or saw the dusting of frost in her unbound hair he said nothing and fell into step behind the two head servants. They walked a ways down the long winding hallway before stopping in front of a plain looking purple and white door. Kai withdrew a set of keys and unlocked the room, ushering Revel in a slight nod of his head. Inside, the room was sparsely decorated but what décor resided in the cozy space had to be worth its weight in gold. Kai quickly lit the wall lamps and the table side lamp next to the large bed, instructing the lieutenant to place the queen near the light. Revel obeyed and set Elsa down, noticing for the first time just how beautiful she was up close. Of course he'd seen her from afar, her sister as well, but being this close he was able to perceive the full gravity of her beauty and couldn't help but stare. He was about to turn away when the queen's eyes lazily opened, cerulean blue orbs locking on his face.

Revel felt a thrill of fear and excitement work through his body and froze. He knew he should avert his gaze and bow his head, he was only a lowly guard, no better than a commoner with no right or reason to be staring opening at the queen, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from hers. Unable to think of anything else to do, Revel flashed a quick, warm smile.

"You're alright now, Majesty," he whispered low enough that only he and the queen could hear. Elsa stared at the guard for another half a heartbeat before her eyes fluttered shut and she sank back into the bed.

"Lieutenant," Kai's voice broke the moment and the young guard snapped to attention.

"Sir."

"Thank you for your aid," Kai said stepping over to the door and pulling it open. Revel walked quickly over to the manservant and saluted, back a little to straight and face flushed. He was about to make his leave when Kai grabbed him by the upper arm, stopping him.

"Lieutenant, I do not think I need to tell you that word of what you've seen and done here will not reach any of the castle staff. There has been enough turmoil in the kingdom and the addition of idle gossip is not needed. Do I make myself clear, sir?"

Revel swallowed and nodded. Of course he could read between the lines of what Kai was saying and could clearly see the threat in the manservant's eyes.

"On my honor, sir, no word will pass from my lips," Revel managed in a small voice. Kai stared at him for a moment longer, driving home his point and authority, before releasing the lieutenant.

"Good man. Now, return to your post and let no one enter the residency wing."


	5. Chapter 5

**NOTE:** Ugh, this small little story I had in mind has really taken on a life of it's own. As far as I know, or at least I hope, there will only be one more chapter after this one. Seriously, I love this arch, but I need to wrap it up and start on something fun! All these feels I've been writing since mid December are really getting to me. I need to prove that I can write funny and sweet things to, not just just rip-my-heart-out-with-a-spoon stories!

It wasn't as if she wanted to wake up, sleeping for eternity sounded like paradise, but her body wouldn't take no for an answer. Behind the closed curtain of her eyes her fevered dreams clung to her like a drunken lover. She could see two luminescent green orbs looking down at her, a kind face emerging from a sea of pain and grief. Elsa reached for the specter but he dissolved the moment she shifted, disappearing into the gray darkness like a wraith. Slowly, Elsa rose out of the embrace of sleep like a body rising to the surface of a stagnant lake, head pounding and body aching. She immediately knew she wasn't in her room by the smell and temperature. Her room remained constantly cool and smelled of morning frost and arctic air. This room was warm and smelled like wood smoke and dust. Opening her eyes fractionally, her vision swam and Elsa groaned, putting a hand over her eyes and nearly screaming at the unexpected pain that lanced through her hand.

"Damnit," she hissed and lifted her hands into the light. Cotton bandages had been wrapped around both, each finger painstakingly covered in salve and wrapped snugly. When she attempted to bend her fingers white hot pain flared and she ground her teeth, stomach rolling uneasily.

Using her elbow to jack herself into a sitting position, Elsa felt the constriction of bandages scattered across her body and threw back the covers to investigate. She'd been dressed in a loose white nightgown, thin and soft as silk, but through the material she could see the bumps and lumps of bandages. Gingerly she lifted her nightgown and stared stupidly at the bloody gauze patches, mind working to understand why they were there. She looked like those people from her books who were wrapped in ceremonial cloth to preserve the body after their death. Long swaths of red speckled cloth wound around her legs and crept up her thighs. Her torso was one massive patch, not a hint of skin showing anywhere. The bindings continued up her chest and down her arms, stopping at her wrists only to begin again around her hands. Dumbfounded, Elsa shifted and gasped, skin alive with fire. What had happened? Why was she here and not in her…

The memory came racing back at her like a cannon ball. She'd been in the dining hall waiting on Anna when Kai had come in. He'd announced that her parents had been killed at sea, a squall taking them earlier the previous day. Elsa remembered seeing the pained and confused look on Anna's face, remembered feeling the frost creeping up her arms even while she wore her gloves, and remembered the pleading command from Kai to run. And run she had. Right into her room just seconds before her power broke through her defenses and wreaked havoc on her room. It all seemed so long ago, like years had passed, but judging from how fresh the blood was on her bandages it couldn't have been more than a few hours.

"It's good to see you awake, Majesty."

Elsa jumped and felt a fresh wave of cold spark against the bandages of her left palm and swore, clapping her hands to her chest.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to startle you," Gerda said quickly getting up from her chair in front of the fire and walking over to the young queen. Elsa allowed the service matron to take her left hand and examine it. Lips pursed, Gerda unbound the bandages around Elsa's palm and sighed. The queen's skin was shinny and raw and the service matron could see new blooms of blood pooling at the center of her palm. Elsa stared at her hand as well, not at all surprised to see it like this, but still shocked at the state of her skin. It was like she'd been burned.

"I have to add some more poultice," the service matron said catching the queen's eye. Elsa nodded woodenly, staring out the dark window to her left while Gerda worked. Once finished, the service matron rebound the young queen's hand and stood, hands clasped in front of her. Elsa knew Gerda was giving her the servant's stance, hands folded in front and head bowed, and sighed.

_Ever the dutiful servant even in the wake of all that's happened._

"Thank you, Gerda. You may retire to your quarters now."

That didn't seem to be what the service matron wanted to hear and she ducked her head even more, shoulders tight. "Forgive me, Majesty, but I do not think it would be wise if you were left alone."

"I'm sorry?" Elsa said with a frown.

"I do not think it wise you were alone, Highness."

The young queen felt a sudden flush of anger work into her cheeks. Of course she wanted to be alone, why the hell wouldn't she? Her room was proof enough that it was best she remain alone for the rest of her life less she accidently kill someone. Why was that so hard for people to grasp? She was dangerous! She was a weapon without a master, a loose cannon whizzing through the air looking for a wayward target to crash into. Ten years ago she'd crashed into her sister and nearly killed her, nearly snuffed out a light with just the flick of the wrist. Her parents had had the right idea about cloistering her away, so why did everyone else in the castle, Anna especially, insist on trying to get close to her?

"Please leave, Gerda," Elsa said in a quiet voice. The service matron swallowed but remained in place, posture as passive as always but determination shinning in her downcast eyes.

"I'm sorry, Majesty but I—"

"Leave, Gerda."

"No, Highness," Gerda said in a hushed whisper, chin to her chest. When she raised her head to glance at the queen, Elsa was shocked to see tears welling in the slender woman's eyes. She'd never seen Gerda cry, didn't even know it was possible for her to, but Elsa's shock was quickly replaced by anger.

_Don't you dare cry over me,_ the young queen seethed. _Monsters don't get that luxury. We're not deserving of pity or love._

"I said get out!"

"No."

Elsa thrashed at the thin sheets covering her lower body and swung her feet over the edge, eyes burning with cold rage. She had every intention of physically throwing the infuriating woman out of the room, but her body was having none of it. The moment her full weight rested on her legs, Elsa's knees gave out and she stumbled forward, crashing into the wall left shoulder first. The sudden collision woke many bruises and cuts that had until this moment been silent and she cried out, sinking to the floor. Gerda moved swiftly to help her stand but Elsa swatted her away, embarrassment and anger warring across her face.

"Don't…don't touch me. Just, please get out."

Gerda stepped back but didn't make for the door, instead turning so that she wasn't looking at the queen, sparing her the indignity of someone watching her while she struggled to stand. Eventually Elsa was able to pull herself up using the bed as a support. She was breathing heavily by the end of it and sweating, but the accomplishment left her with mixed feelings. Yes she'd stood on her own without aid from anyone, but she was still so goddamned infuriatingly weak. It was the realization of this weakness that brought the tears back and she hiccupped a sob, bandaged hand over her mouth.

_How am I ever going to rule this kingdom if I can't even stand on my own? Papa never showed weakness. Even when grandfather passed away when Anna and I were young he never cried, never stopped being the king. How will I ever fill his shoes?_

This time when Gerda approached, Elsa allowed herself to be helped. The service matron looped an arm around the queen's waist for added support and guided her to one of the large wingback chairs set before the fireplace. Elsa collapsed into the comfortable cushions, cheeks shinning with tears. Gerda knelt in front of the young queen and gently rubbed away the moisture with a soft cloth, knowing if she left them there the tears would freeze.

"It's alright to feel, Highness," Gerda said in a soft voice.

Elsa snorted contemptuously, eyes locked on the fire. "Ruling monarchs don't get the luxury of feeling anything, especially grief."

"That's not true," Gerda said sitting back on her knees. "Every human being feels sadness and expresses it differently, but we _have_ to express it. Grieving is a natural thing, Highness. It's how we heal after a great loss, like putting a salve on a burn," Gerda gently took one of Elsa's hands in her own. "To not feel it, to push the feelings away because they hurt too much or because they're inconvenient means that you won't heal and will bear open wounds for years."

For half a heartbeat Elsa believed the service matron. There was so much truth to her words, so much love and openness it was hard not to, but the reality of the young queen's situation was that she couldn't let herself feel these powerful emotions. She couldn't ever let herself fall that deeply into any emotion ever again for fear of losing control of her power. That's what it all came down to, control. Elsa was in control when her emotions were kept under lock and key, when she pushed aside normal human feelings and slipped her mask back in place.

_Conceal, don't feel. Don't let it show_.

That's what she had to do, what she _would_ do, from now until her inevitable death. She would pull herself up by her boot straps, dust herself off, and continue on because that's what queens did. They had to be strong while others around them were weak. They had to be the pillars of their kingdoms, strong and resolute regardless of what they were feeling inside.

Elsa took a deep breath that began at the tips of her toes and finished at the top of her head. She held it for a three count then let the air rush out taking her anxiety, her fears, her grief and anything that wasn't cool neutrality with it. Her mask fell into place like a well-worn glove. It was a subtle transformation and to anyone not paying attention they wouldn't have seen it. Elsa was anything if not a capable actress, falling into her role as if it were a second skin, but Gerda saw the shift and felt her heart sink into her stomach.

_No,_ she wanted to scream at the queen. _Don't bottle this up. Let it go._

"Thank you for your help, Gerda," Elsa said a little too woodenly, her eyes a little to brittle. "If you have the strength, please help me back into bed. I think rest is what I need more than anything right now."

Gerda nodded and rose numbly, helping the young queen back across the room to the large four poster bed. Elsa slid under the covers and promptly turned away from the service matron, shifting onto her left side where the burns and cuts weren't as bad.

"Is there anything else I can get you, Majesty," Gerda asked in a small voice.

"No, thank you. I'll call if I need you."

The dismissal was gentle but Gerda couldn't help but feel like a door had just been slammed in her face. Sighing quietly, she dipped into a shallow curtsey and made for the door. Before stepping over the threshold, the service matron turned one last time.

"Your father cried at your grandfather's funeral. He waited until he was alone at the gravesite after you, your sister and mother had left. He wanted to be strong as well, to be the pillar, but he knew when to let go. Good night, Highness."

Gerda shut the door with a metallic click and leaned her forehead against the cool wood grain. For just a brief moment she thought she heard sobbing coming from the other side but couldn't be sure. Heavy hearted, the service matron walked away leaving her queen, the girl she'd helped raise from birth who had been forced to grow up far too fast, to her grief. She sent a silent prayer skyward that Elsa would find peace, that her heart would heal and that the family would remain strong in the face of such devastating circumstances. With no indication God had heard, Gerda clung to hope and faith because that was all she had to grasp at the moment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: **Last chapter and perhaps the hardest I've written by far. Seriously folks, this was rough, but I'm surprisingly happy with how it turned out. Not exactly a happy ending, this wasn't meant to be a happy piece, but I'm still pleased with how it translated from my mind to black and white. Thanks for reading!

One week, that was the allotted time given to prepare for the royal funeral. It was a kingdom wide affair, Arendelle swelling in size as mourners and well-wishers flocked into the city to partake in the shared grief of thousands. With no bodies to bury, it was left up to Elsa to choose where the ceremonial graves would be placed. The idea of choosing her parent's gravesite had made the young queen physically sick, but she managed to choose a place she, her mother and sister use to pick nick before Elsa had been forced to distance herself from everyone. The Overlook was a beautiful stretch of land high up the coastal wall with an uninhibited view of the fjord and the connecting sea. It was there that the traditional monoliths would be drug and carved, two stones acting as beacons for the dead lost at sea.

The week leading up to the funeral was a hellish seven day span. Each hour seemed to creep by, the days lasting a lifetime for both royal sisters who had seen no sign of the other since Kai had announced the late king and queen's death. Elsa remained secluded her room, the ice having been painstakingly removed by Kai and Gerda. It had been a relief to be back on familiar ground, but the young queen couldn't shake the feeling of constant vertigo any time her mind wandered from her careful concentration of restraining her powers.

As for Anna, the young princess seemed to be mirroring her older sister, held up in her room most of the day and only venturing out for dinner or to walk the castle parapets at twilight. It was during this magical time of day that the fjord quite literally turned unto a sea of fire, thousands of tiny wooden boats bearing two flickering candles sent out to sea by a city full of mourners. During the day the harbor looked like it was awash in tiny bits of driftwood, but at night, when the sun was shrouded by the high cliffs on either side of the fjord, a sea of flames illuminated half the coast, trailing like a snake out to sea as the underwater current snagged the little ships and bore them into the open ocean. Anna watched from the parapets while Elsa watched from her window, both sisters lingering until the last tiny boat disappeared into the horizon before returning to their respective rooms and falling into fragmented sleep.

When the day of the funeral finally arrived Anna dressed herself in a daze, pulling her black and gray mourners dress on with wooden fingers. It took less time to do her hair, but even that second nature act seemed foreign to the young princess as she passed the soft bristled brush through her hair until it stood on end with static. Anna felt as if she were moving in a dream, the ground hardly felt underfoot, the sympathetic condolences she received from countless well-wishers going only partially heard. The trek up the steep hill that would eventually level off at the Overlook happened in a flash, Anna starting the long hike only to blink and already be standing at the top of the cliff looking out over the sea. It wasn't until bishop Arren approached the young princess and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder that Anna snapped out of her daze and turned to look at him.

"Highness, we need to begin," Arren said in a hushed whisper.

Anna gave the man a quizzical look, not fully understanding what he was trying to say. Of course they needed to get started, but what did that have anything to do with her? She was present wasn't she? Bishop Arren saw the confused look on Anna's face and sighed, shoulders dropping.

"I'm sorry, Highness, but since the queen is absent it is left up to you to carry the ceremony."

Anna felt as if she'd been punched in the gut and whipped around to look at the crowd gathered around the two massive gray stoned monoliths. There had to be at least a hundred people standing in tight clusters, murmuring quietly to one another. Here and there a few sniffles broke the gentle hum of conversation.

"N-no," Anna stuttered stepping back, "Elsa should be here. I thought she would…"

"Highness, your sister is unable to come," Arren said watching Anna continue to scan the gathering with mounting panic. "Please, we must continue."

"I…I don't know what to do," Anna said feeling tears starting to well in her eyes. This wasn't her job, she wasn't prepared to lead anyone, especially on the day of her parent's funeral. It was Elsa's responsibility to be the queen and do her duty. Anna was just the spare, the pretty face to stand next to her sister and show that the royal family's linage was safe. The familiar flush of anger worked into Anna's cheeks as she continued to stare at the crowd. Of course Elsa wasn't here. Even for her parent's funeral she had somehow found something to take precedence over such an important event.

"Princess—"

"I heard you," Anna snapped, fists clenched at her sides. How could Elsa do this to her, strand her at the head of a funeral march and expect her to somehow know what the hell to do or say? Why did her older sister hate her so much? This had to be an act of spite, Elsa getting back at Ann for some past sin, and if it was, well the young princess could play the game as well. Anna had every intention of turning away from the bishop and stalking down the mountain, leaving the mourners to their ceremony and tradition be damned. Today she didn't want to be a princess, didn't want the weight of office forced on her shoulders. Anna would march back down to the castle, kick open her sister's door, and give her such a verbal thrashing they'd write about it in legends hundreds of years from now. She was just beginning to turn away when Kai appeared over the crest of the hill, sweat beading down his pudgy face. For half a heartbeat he stopped and scanned the crowd before his eyes found Anna and he headed towards her.

"Your Highness, forgive me for my tardiness," Kai said between great having breaths. Taking a moment to compose himself, the manservant presented Anna with an ornate box. "I had hoped to be here before the ceremony began so that I could give you this."

Anna, anger momentarily forgotten, took the beautifully carved dark wood box, confusion knitting her brow together. It was a stunning piece of craftsmanship, the wood so smooth it almost looked as if it were made of dark glass. Gently she ran her fingers over the lid where the Frosberg family crest had been painstakingly carved and inlayed with gold filigree. In the upper corners, Anna saw that a profile of each member of her family had been carved as well, her father and mother at the top and she and Elsa at the bottom. To stunned for words, Anna gently opened the lid and felt her breath catch in her throat.

She immediately knew the two small dolls weren't the ones that still sat in the chair next to her fireplace. These were far too new looking, the thread holding the fragile pieces of cloth together still stiff and brightly colored from disuse. Anna's dolls, little versions of her and her sister, were worn from play, the fabric thinning in places and the thread starting to pull away in others. They had been her best friends and confidants after Elsa's separation from her, listening to her questions and comforting her when she couldn't hold back her tears. But these dolls, these dolls…

"These are Elsa's. Mother…mother made us each a set. I thought she'd thrown them away," Anna said not realizing she'd spoken. A wayward tear slid down her cheek, but she hardly noticed.

"Your sister sends her condolences and regrets," Kai said quietly. "She has taken ill and has been unable to leave her bed for the past few days, but she wanted you to know how deeply sorry she is for not being able to be here with you and has instructed me to seal this box and bury it as tribute."

Anna slowly closed the lid, resisting the urge to pull out the beautiful dolls and hug them just so she had something of her sister's close to her. This was a gift from the heart, a gift soaked in grief and longing and sadness. It wasn't a gift given lightly, something Elsa had just thrown together at the spur of the moment in order to look as if she cared. Anna knew first hand that her sister had cherished the dolls, and, though she believed Elsa had gotten rid of them, it was now apparent she'd clung to her pair just as tightly as Anna had hers, and it nearly broke the young princess's heart. It was just enough of a glimpse into Elsa's pain that Anna instantly forgot her anger.

"Thank you, Kai. I…I don't…"

"Highness," Arren prompted gently, "we must begin."

Anna took a breath to steady her nerves and turned towards the bishop. "I don't know the ceremonial process," she said blushing in shame.

"There are not many steps, Highness, and I will lead you through them," Arren said with a kind smile. Anna nodded, unable to swallow around the lump of nervous anxiety rising in her throat, but followed the bishop to the monoliths. The bishop's presence between the two stones silenced the crowd and he began the burial ceremony as he had hundreds of times in the past, only this time he was lying to rest his late king and queen and the weight in his stomach was profound.

Sick in bed, that's the excuse Kia had come up with when Elsa had been unable to bring herself to step beyond her door and join the stream of mourners, her sister among them, up the steep cliff to the Overlook. She'd risen a full four hours before sunrise, dressed herself as quickly as her bandaged hands would allow, and had waited for Kai to come knocking at her door to announce that the funeral procession was about to begin. She'd been fine up until that moment, her powers sufficiently suppressed and her mind sharp, but the second she'd opened her door and looked out into the vastness of the hallway her nerves failed and she'd very nearly iced the outside of her door.

"I can't do this," she'd gasped backing into her room, gloved and bandaged hands clutched to her chest.

"You can, Majesty," Kai had soothed from the threshold, not daring to invade Elsa's personal space while she was in such a fragile state. It wasn't the fear she'd do anything to him that kept the manservant in the hallway, it was the fear the young queen would become overwhelmed and lose control of her powers, possibly harming herself again.

"I can't…I can't…" Elsa started to feel the telltale signs of her power rising to the surface and retreated back another step. The week of absolute isolation had allowed the young queen's body to heal from most of her minor frost burns, but the sudden sharp knife of fear that twisted in her heart brought the stinging cold into her hands and she winced, frost pooling under her feet.

"Majesty, just breathe," Kai said watching utter terror creeping into Elsa's face, her body tensing like a coiled spring. Elsa nodded woodenly but frozen when what the manservant had said actually sunk in.

_"You'll be fine, Elsa. Just remember to breathe."_

The late king's words echoed in the young queen's mind like a church bell, bounding and rebounding all around her at a deafening pitch. Suddenly her room was to warm, her funeral cloths, a fitted navy blue and black dress complemented with a matching long sleeve overcoat, to restricting. She could fell the frost starting to creep across her floor, tiny bursts of arctic cold hissing and popping like embers. Looking down at her hands she saw the material of her gloves beginning to lighten as her ice seeped through the fabric, stiffening the bandages hidden underneath and making her sore fingers ache.

_I can't face my kingdom like this,_ Elsa thought as she struggled to calm her rapidly fraying nerves. Eye's closed she tried to find an island of serenity in the chaotic sea that was her here and now, but the waves of her fear were too high, the current of her anxiety too strong to weather.

_I can't face Anna like this._

Knowing she was running out of personal resolve, Elsa turned away from Kai and hurried over to her writing desk and the small box waiting for her there. Gingerly she picked it up and returned to her waiting manservant, pushing the parcel into his arms before jumping back over the threshold and promptly grabbing the door handle.

"I'm sorry, Kai. I can't—"

"I understand, Majesty. No need to explain," Kai said tucking the frighteningly cold wooden box under his arm and bowing at the waist. The queen had commissioned the keepsake box made once preparations for the funeral had begun in earnest. He didn't know what it contained, it wasn't his business, but he knew if Elsa had had it commissioned there was a significant reason why.

"Please tell Anna I'm sorry. I just…wasn't strong enough," Elsa said feeling tears starting to slide down her pale face.

"I will, Majesty."

"The box is to be buried as tribute, Kai. Please let bishop Arren know."

Kai bowed one last time before the young queen closed the door with a resounding click and the hallway was once again cloaked in mournful silence.

Anna walked slowly down the darkening corridor that led to her room, the setting sun rapidly retreating behind the wall of rocks and stones surrounding the kingdom. The ceremony had gone as well as could be expected, bishop Arren leading most of the proceedings and only asking the young princess to say a quick blessing before and after the consecration of the grave had begun. He'd given a heartfelt sermon, one that Anna was sure she would have appreciated if she'd been paying attention. As it was, her mind was on the box and the dolls cradled within and what they signified. She was so engrossed in her own thoughts she didn't notice the two guards who had emerged from the crowd, shovels in hand, and approached her. Reluctantly Anna relinquished the box and watched numbly as they dug a four foot hole between both stone monoliths with stunning precision and gently lowered the tribute down. Anna felt as if a piece of her heart was being buried with that box, her childhood sinking beneath the layers of stone and earth. After that the ceremony was ended with another prayer and the crowds dispersed, the young princess slowly making her way down the mountain.

Anna didn't realize she was standing in front of Elsa's door until the familiar patterns painted on the white wood triggered a spark of recognition in her mind. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the turn she should have taken that would have led her to her room and wondered why she'd chosen to keep walking.

_I must have done it out of instinct,_ Anna though stepping away from the door and rubbing her shoulder absentmindedly. She shouldn't be here, didn't want to be here. Ten years of harsh rejection had ingrained in the young princess that her sister wanted nothing to do with her. It had been a hard lesson to learn, but Anna had eventually just let Elsa be, continuing as much of a life as she could while her older sister remained cloistered in her room. It was her choice after all, but that didn't mean Anna was alright with it. Deep down she still yearned for her sister's love and continued to wonder what she'd done to anger her so much that she'd completely cut off contact.

Signing, Anna was about to turn away when she saw a shadow pass beneath the door seconds before she heard the distinct sound of a body sliding down the wood grain and thumping against the floor. Her first though was panicked. Kai had said Elsa was sick, too sick to rise out of bed, so what if her sister had heard her pad down the hallway and went to open the door only to faint before she could turn the handle. What if she was hurt? What if…

Anna heard the gentle sobbing almost a half second later and felt her heart sink. Elsa was crying, and the mental image brought to the young princess's mind was utterly shattering. Her big sister was in pain and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. Suddenly ten years of rejection meant nothing and Anna raised her hand, knocking gently like she had so many times in the past.

"Elsa?" she said and held her breath. "Please, I know you're in there. People are asking where you've been."

Only silence greeted her but still Anna spoke, desperate to let her sister know she was near.

"They say, 'have courage' and I'm trying to…I'm _right_ out here for you, just let me in."

Suddenly the weight of her grief was too much and the young princess leaned against her sister's door, head resting against the cool wood grain. Right palm already raised, Anna let her fingers trail across the knuckle marks dented into Elsa's door, years of constant knocking scaring the wood as much as it had scared her heart. A sob worked its way into her throat and she swallowed hard in order to press it back down, determined to be strong.

"We only have each other, it's just you and me. What are you gonna do?"

But she was unable to maintain her strong façade and slid down to the floor, knees drawn to her chest. It just wasn't fair. Why was Elsa always locked in her room, why couldn't she come out? Because, Anna realized in that moment, it wasn't a 'wouldn't' with her sister it was a 'couldn't'. For whatever reason Elsa _couldn't_ come out, and Anna wanted nothing more than to know why. In her mind's eye the young princess once again scrolled over every memory, every scenario between her and her sister, trying to find that single moment when things had gone wrong. Still, no matter how hard she tried to get a lock on her ultimate sin it just wasn't there. Suddenly she felt like a little kid again, watching her older sister close the door in her face when all she wanted to do was…

"Do you want to build a snowman?"

The question bubbled out her mouth before she could stop herself, a choked sob quickly following. That was all she really wanted, to build a snowman with Elsa one last time, just like they had as children. Tears finally free, Anna sobbed into her knees, her grief and loneliness tearing from her body like a scab ripping free. And while she cried, while her tears soaked her dress and shook her small frame, Elsa cried as well on the other side of the door in a room drenched in frost and ice. She could feel Anna's warmth through the wood like sunlight streaming through a window, and knew with such a sinking in her soul that she could never, ever open the door like she so desperately wanted to. Anna was warmth and sunshine while Elsa was cold and dangerous, and in order to keep her little sister safe she would stay locked away, would weather her pain and grief, because that's what queens did. They were the pillar while everyone else crumbled, they were the protectors of the innocent, but for today, for this small moment in time with her sister so blessedly close yet so frustratingly far away, Elsa allowed herself to cry while the snowflakes dancing around her room stood still out of reverence for her grief.


End file.
